Unexpected

I'm happy..really happy recently..partly coz it's e holiday season..it's just that sometimes thing are not meant to be..being at e right place at e right time is impt..

I dunno where to let it out to

K ba..last message..u always ask 你到底想什麽样? But sometimes I dun need any conclusion..I just sorta need this type of things to stop..idk..like I always said..stop, change, n move on..But I dun think I have e rights to tell u that after all these..i dun leave or quit because things are hard..I leave becoz it's no longer worth it..I hope u can become worthy someday..but I feel like u ain't holding on to me..I think e line is unclear becoz I still care..it's nv about letting u go to me..it's always about u not meeting what I want..so it's suffocating to both of us..deep down inside I've always hope things will be better between us..but when it dun..I crack again..it's never as easy as I said bout giving u up..n the part that u dun treasure what we have really pushes me to my limit..it's true..I grab hold to happy moments..n all u an grab hold is grudges u have against me..somehow that kinda influence me to do likewise..so I kinda change lately to the girl who can't stop talking bout e past..even when I try to remind myself of those precious moments..u can't rmb any of them..which just makes everything illusional to me..it feel surreal when I'm e only who remembering details in between us n u dun..mb I'm really delusional to believe u can change..change u? Lols..I'm just rambling..really..I tend of forget e worse parts of my life n selectively choose to rmb e good one..that's how I live by everyday..

Thank you Leen

Lol..I rmb I mention this name should be exclusive to my usage..but I have not been using it ever since I created it..which is kinda lame..so this post is just meant for ya..since no one else knows who I'm referring to.. =p

Anws..just wanna say a big thanks for my birthday..I was really glad u spent it with me..should have cost u quite a bit >.<..I feel kinda bad n I'm sorta scare it's outta your financial capabilities..you shouldn't spend so much on me..really..especially when I like to eat at restaurant areas..n watch movies..in which..u always agreed to go with me..I'm always afraid that u can't afford it..I really dun mind paying a bit more..so dun stubborn with me when it comes to money..coz it'll hurt me if ya think it's ex n yet still do it coz I want it..lols..ok this post is going e wrong way..

Don't treat me so nicely..lol..unless I can par up to your level..to be able to treat u nicer..if not I'll feel I'm not worth your kindness

Day 1x

Can't really rmb e exact days alr..is that a good thing? I sorta didn't have e heart to really count ba..I guessed it's a good sigh since I actually care lesser..plus it's been days since I last speak to you..ever since u insists to call to wish me a happy birthday when there really no need to..somehow I thought it would be ok if you dun take any actions for it..but when u actually really don't..lol..it still upsets me like crazy..I've alr knew that this bad ending would happen..but when it comes to really experiencing e bad ending..i really didn't expects that it would bring so much disappointment..so much sadness..which surpass my control of emotions..which sorta proven to me that I dun matter in any form to you..

Seck told me something like keeping a dying flower around and letting it struggle to survive..at e same time..blooming a new flower for urself..whether or not e dying flower makes it in e end..I'll still have a choice to keep it around or not..which totally made a good example of what I should be doing lol..

Seriously..I'm hate it when ppl cause me misery during my exam period..coz all I can focused on is to tape up e hurtful place..hoping it'll hold up..n then wasting my time on holding myself tgt instead of mugging zz

Anws..I still had an enjoyable bdae..although not as grand it would have been if I weren't too lazy to plan for a party..still..I really think that as long as those I cared for..celebrates with me..it will be more than what I can ask for..really..I appreciates it a lot..which just linked back to this one person, which I cared for, failing me on my bdae..which reminds me that he did e same last year..oh well..I should stop revolving my life around you..n that's a life lesson I should learn after becoming legal

Day 6 n 7

I've alr known the future n all my predictions are coming true..should have known all these will never work out..but I still holds on to hope that it will be ok in the end..I feels like I'm grabbing on to emptiness as time passes..it feels like u preferred e taste of freedom than to be bound by me..so when u r "mending your ways" n being "temporary unavailable"..I'm just "healing my wounds" n "letting go"..I feel it's hopeless to ask someone to change so much..I just dun think ur love for me is that deep enough for u to do so anyway..I dun have e faith in you that I used to have..I dun have e belief that u will change for me anymore..I sorta just stop believing in you generally..I think you kinda failed me too much..lol..at 1 point..I just stop hoping for changes from you..coz nth major happened b4 so I doubt it'll suddenly happen now..just saying..e longer this is..e more faith I lose in you..that's just how the way things should work

Day 5

Kinda within what I expected ba..if I dun take initiative..neither would u..sometime passion will die down as time passes..so I presume feelings will fade as well..so this is e first day w/o any form of contact..I wonder how long will this last..till e day u would finally let go of me? Coz I dun seems to be wanting to take initiative now..becoz u won't learn to appreciates what u have..I was, obviously, allowing u to overstep e line n make it seems like e way u take me for is acceptable, when it's really not..I really do feel I deserve better..

Day 4

Silent day..Not even a single word from either of us..how many more silent day are we gonna have? R u having as much of a hard time as I did? As much as I wish I were to be of any significances to u..n hoping that u will have some least bit of sorrow w/o my presence in ur life..there's just so much I can expect from someone who can't tell me e no. Of years we knew each other..or e past thing I have done for / u have done for me..just seems like u dun have e heart to remember anything between us..at least I believe that e bad memories are more likely to be rmb-Ed by u..mb this was y u weren't treasuring what we have tgt..mb..just mb..there's r a lot of maybes in ur life I dunno where I should stand