I dunno where to let it out to

K ba..last message..u always ask 你到底想什麽样? But sometimes I dun need any conclusion..I just sorta need this type of things to stop..idk..like I always said..stop, change, n move on..But I dun think I have e rights to tell u that after all these..i dun leave or quit because things are hard..I leave becoz it's no longer worth it..I hope u can become worthy someday..but I feel like u ain't holding on to me..I think e line is unclear becoz I still care..it's nv about letting u go to me..it's always about u not meeting what I want..so it's suffocating to both of us..deep down inside I've always hope things will be better between us..but when it dun..I crack again..it's never as easy as I said bout giving u up..n the part that u dun treasure what we have really pushes me to my limit..it's true..I grab hold to happy moments..n all u an grab hold is grudges u have against me..somehow that kinda influence me to do likewise..so I kinda change lately to the girl who can't stop talking bout e past..even when I try to remind myself of those precious moments..u can't rmb any of them..which just makes everything illusional to me..it feel surreal when I'm e only who remembering details in between us n u dun..mb I'm really delusional to believe u can change..change u? Lols..I'm just rambling..really..I tend of forget e worse parts of my life n selectively choose to rmb e good one..that's how I live by everyday..

Thank you Leen

Lol..I rmb I mention this name should be exclusive to my usage..but I have not been using it ever since I created it..which is kinda lame..so this post is just meant for ya..since no one else knows who I'm referring to.. =p

Anws..just wanna say a big thanks for my birthday..I was really glad u spent it with me..should have cost u quite a bit >.<..I feel kinda bad n I'm sorta scare it's outta your financial capabilities..you shouldn't spend so much on me..really..especially when I like to eat at restaurant areas..n watch movies..in which..u always agreed to go with me..I'm always afraid that u can't afford it..I really dun mind paying a bit more..so dun stubborn with me when it comes to money..coz it'll hurt me if ya think it's ex n yet still do it coz I want it..lols..ok this post is going e wrong way..

Don't treat me so nicely..lol..unless I can par up to your level..to be able to treat u nicer..if not I'll feel I'm not worth your kindness

Day 1x

Can't really rmb e exact days alr..is that a good thing? I sorta didn't have e heart to really count ba..I guessed it's a good sigh since I actually care lesser..plus it's been days since I last speak to you..ever since u insists to call to wish me a happy birthday when there really no need to..somehow I thought it would be ok if you dun take any actions for it..but when u actually really don't..lol..it still upsets me like crazy..I've alr knew that this bad ending would happen..but when it comes to really experiencing e bad ending..i really didn't expects that it would bring so much disappointment..so much sadness..which surpass my control of emotions..which sorta proven to me that I dun matter in any form to you..

Seck told me something like keeping a dying flower around and letting it struggle to survive..at e same time..blooming a new flower for urself..whether or not e dying flower makes it in e end..I'll still have a choice to keep it around or not..which totally made a good example of what I should be doing lol..

Seriously..I'm hate it when ppl cause me misery during my exam period..coz all I can focused on is to tape up e hurtful place..hoping it'll hold up..n then wasting my time on holding myself tgt instead of mugging zz

Anws..I still had an enjoyable bdae..although not as grand it would have been if I weren't too lazy to plan for a party..still..I really think that as long as those I cared for..celebrates with me..it will be more than what I can ask for..really..I appreciates it a lot..which just linked back to this one person, which I cared for, failing me on my bdae..which reminds me that he did e same last year..oh well..I should stop revolving my life around you..n that's a life lesson I should learn after becoming legal

Day 6 n 7

I've alr known the future n all my predictions are coming true..should have known all these will never work out..but I still holds on to hope that it will be ok in the end..I feels like I'm grabbing on to emptiness as time passes..it feels like u preferred e taste of freedom than to be bound by me..so when u r "mending your ways" n being "temporary unavailable"..I'm just "healing my wounds" n "letting go"..I feel it's hopeless to ask someone to change so much..I just dun think ur love for me is that deep enough for u to do so anyway..I dun have e faith in you that I used to have..I dun have e belief that u will change for me anymore..I sorta just stop believing in you generally..I think you kinda failed me too much..lol..at 1 point..I just stop hoping for changes from you..coz nth major happened b4 so I doubt it'll suddenly happen now..just saying..e longer this is..e more faith I lose in you..that's just how the way things should work

Day 5

Kinda within what I expected ba..if I dun take initiative..neither would u..sometime passion will die down as time passes..so I presume feelings will fade as well..so this is e first day w/o any form of contact..I wonder how long will this last..till e day u would finally let go of me? Coz I dun seems to be wanting to take initiative now..becoz u won't learn to appreciates what u have..I was, obviously, allowing u to overstep e line n make it seems like e way u take me for is acceptable, when it's really not..I really do feel I deserve better..

Day 4

Silent day..Not even a single word from either of us..how many more silent day are we gonna have? R u having as much of a hard time as I did? As much as I wish I were to be of any significances to u..n hoping that u will have some least bit of sorrow w/o my presence in ur life..there's just so much I can expect from someone who can't tell me e no. Of years we knew each other..or e past thing I have done for / u have done for me..just seems like u dun have e heart to remember anything between us..at least I believe that e bad memories are more likely to be rmb-Ed by u..mb this was y u weren't treasuring what we have tgt..mb..just mb..there's r a lot of maybes in ur life I dunno where I should stand

Day 3

My head was filled with the word " temporary happiness " u mentioned regarding those days we spent tgt..I still feels kinda hurt..even if it was short..or strictly speaking..twice in so many years of r/s..but I really felt those days were really e most precious moments I had in my memories..e one I really grab to hold on to when I can't breathe in e hardship we have..just to deemed it as temporary happiness stuck me as a shock that u dun take it e same way I did..because e status of those days we had in our heart is obviously in whole different lvl..a lvl so big I didn't expect n kinda really pushes me into wondering if I really did mean any bit of significances to u..becoz that wasn't fake or temporary happiness to me no matter how I looked at it..that was all that we had..or strictly speaking..all that I felt we had..

Day 2

Maplers are still maplers ba..lols..somehow what happens in rl between us should not be related to e needs in game..I'm quite surprised when u messaged me this morning to ask if ur char was still on..wanted to ask for some stuff In maple from u..but wasn't sure if it was appropriate..but since u started asking me stuff in maple..I just continue from where u left off..seems pretty nice to have just purely maple r/s between us..seriously e line drawn for this "temporary unavailable" status is so blur..where should e line be drawn..I seriously dun feel like overstepping n failed it once again..in e end I might have to repeat e whole thing again some time later..zz

Day 1

First day on being "temporary unavailable"..woke up missing you n feeling empty..but it was alright since I was occupied with training e 2x event in maple..saw u online e whole day but not training..mb u ain't at home or something..was hoping that I could at least hear something to know if u were ok..but that kinda violates the things we agreed on..so for now..I'll just have to make do with what is left in me

Sample Lifestyle

My maid came up to me with a hole on one of my favourite shirt today..n that shirt wasn't cheap to begin with..seriously..i have no idea how that hole mysteriously turn up on my shirt..n i swear i never worn it more than 15 times in total -.- sigh..feel so wasted..

It never occur to me to blog while i'm in a happy mood..lols..i'm always in a relatively "i'm going to give u hell" mood or "why can't u meet my expectations" mood when i use typing to calm myself down..lols..so for quite a long period of time..i guessed i was in a good mood for me to stop blogging..haha..but i'm back now~ *for who knows how long*

Anws..life have been so dramatic recently..lols..be it good or bad..it's kinda hard to determine right now..but i'm holding on using my guts feeling..wish me luck on that =)

How?

How can you even get me to CARE about you ?!?!

My Idol Chasing Journey

Some people used to ask me..why Wonder Girls?
Well, i dunno it myself..they ain't the prettiest girl group around..
if i go for pretty girls..it'll be SNSD instead..
Then am i looking for unique-ness? No ba..then wouldn't i go for 2NE1?
I mean why girls? why not guys? Hmm..i never said i don't like SHINee or DBSK or etcetc
I like Jo kwon ar...YunHo ar..(the list can go on forever)
But the only idol group that can make me scream in excitment is Wonder Girls.
Tried before..watching other Kpop group doesn't give me the high WG gives me..

i did the whole package of chasing idol thing like : stalking in their hotel lobby waiting 12 hours to see them for like 10 seconds, camping at their performances places overnight, sleep-deprived and chewing on bread for days, queueing like mad kid for their goodies..etcetc
kinda fun at first..but ultimately..it's using time n a lot of $ to buy joy of watching them for like a few seconds..so YiYi says...time to stop doing stuff that's wasting ur life..lols
So this will close the journey of the madness idol-chasing thing.
Doesn't mean i stop liking WG, or Kpop, or the whole music thingie.
Just don't find the need to go to that extreme anymore..lols

A signatured album while catching them alone at the hotel lobby while they're in SG

some items i bought

Actually, My cupboard still got their signatured poster and my wall is pasted with an A2 photo so i can watch them to sleep everynight..lols..kinda phycho in my own way..

Where have YiYi been?

Here all along~ Busy with this.